The Really Great Idea I Just Had

This idea is struck me as being so great, that I decided to resuscitate my long dormant blog to share it with you, my family and three or four college friends who read this.

The idea came to me while I was milking the dregs out of a wine bladder that I had extricated from its box-home (incidentally, is there such a thing as ‘the dregs of boxed wine’? If there is, I’m sure that you can read about it on this website: http://bumwine.com/).

I think what really got the inventive juices flowing that enabled me to come up with this idea that I think is just so great is that someone in my dumb house was blasting Harry Belafonte’s ‘Shake Senora’, which has long been one of my favorite songs, mostly because it makes me think that anything awesome is possible. Dance with these spectral offensive linemen in my spooky Connecticut home (is there any other kind?! Am I right, Mom?!) during finals week? Of course I will be doing that. That is within the realm of possible activities, because ‘Shake Senora’ exists and is great. Some of you might not get this Beetlejuice reference, because you’re busy doing other things. (Some really rough endings to that sentence that I tried before deeming them simply too harsh to be said by someone sitting cross-legged on a bed littered with multiple former egg nog vessels (Side note: A fun thing to put on my resume/make into a TV pilot would be Egg Nog Vassal, where I describe my relationship with this seasonal beverage as being feudal and full of mutual obligations and I have to call Nog ‘my Lord’) are: busy doing absolutely nothing better with your life, and, busy not deserving to live. Obviously, these sound way too mean and I would never write them down.

I promise that I’ll tell you my great idea, but for right now just let me think a little more about Egg Nog Vassal. Maybe it is not too edgy to be the name of a mostly saxophone folk trio? No, you’re right, too edgy. That band would obviously be called Just the Sax, assuming ‘just the facts’ is a real expression and I’m not just trying to convince myself that it is for the sake of Just the Sax.

Okay here we go.

So I’m thinking what I’ll do is save the bladders from the box wines, fill them with water and sell them as incredibly inconvenient CamelBak-style hydration solutions that you have to carry like a slithery football, or, more accurately, like a fucking bag of water. You’re probably thinking ‘this doesn’t sound like such a great idea, not blog-revival great, at least’, but that’s because I haven’t told you the kicker (it’s called a kicker, because it makes you want to ‘kick in’ some start-up capital to get this idea off the ground, obviously). The kicker is that I won’t rinse out the bags, so the water that you’re drinking will taste vaguely of old $12 per 5 liters White Zinfandel.

This product can also be used as a posture de-stabilizer because if you are interested in using Fun Bladder (that is its working title) in a hands-free capacity, you will need to drape it over your shoulder and walk around pretty hunched over so that it won’t fall off when your wineter sloshes around. Wineter is obviously the name of the water and wine mixture with which your Fun Bladder is dangerously over-filled. Winter Wineter is a special edition Fun Bladder that I will release seasonally, where your wineter contains traces of a very Christmas-y mulled wine. Winetar Weiner is a promotional event where competitive hot dog eaters have to dip their dogs in wineter instead of water to scarf them down. There are no survivors.

 

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