Do You Need Help to Your Car with those Broceries?

The other day I was in the self checkout line at the Walmart and I was doing what I always do when I’m in line anywhere, which is look at what other people are doing in that line. Mostly it’s not awesome. This time it was sort of funny though, because the guy in front of me was buying the most bro-ed out shit I have ever seen hanging out together in one shopping cart. To start with, he had about fifty Gatorades (the big ones), next to which were many Slim Jims (maybe five baker’s dozenses). Also he was buying multiple different products with the word MUSCLE written in bold letters across them. To simulate what this looked like, I wrote the word ‘muscle’ in bold letters for you there. Also there were a lot of red boxes, which means he was either stocking up on Weight Watcher’s Smart Ones (doubtful, as he was probably trying to build mass, judging by all his muscle goods), or he was loading up on Tyson Any’tizers. These are among the bro-est things you can eat. If you don’t believe me, take some ganders at this advertisement (Any’tizement?!):

Eat Chicken Fries! Think about sports! 10 DOLLARS, BRO, SHIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sports seem fairly irrelevant here. The promotion has, as far as I can tell, nothing to do with sports. You just have to buy a shit ton of chicken, and then you get rewarded with $10. Obviously, the balls are there so that bros know this promotion is plenty bro-friendly. The kicker is that I think boneless (BROneless) wings are bro enough to stand alone (aBRone). For example:

The B stands for Bro!!

See what I did there? I took out the sporting equipment and replaced it with three Susan B. Anthony-s (AnthBROny-s). Will bros still buy pre-made freeze-dried quesadillas in sprite of/because of a triple portrait of this Quaker BROad? TIME WiLL TELL.

I guess this isn’t as bad as that Dr. Pepper advertised as being ‘not for women!’, which is the worst example of a beverage discriminating against a group of people since Baskin Robbins came out with that Meat&Milkshake, which was advertised as being ‘not for Jews!’.