Ski Lodges = Old Folks Homes?

So here’s something I didn’t know about skiers: a lot of them are super fucking elderly. Let me first say that I do not number myself amoung the agist youth who call anything under 70 elderly. I’ve known enough spry fucking 68 year olds that I consider old to be a classification reserved for septogenarians and olders. Around 90 I begin to consider people super fucking old. Like, hey, maybe don’t drive any more old. Rediwheels old. And if I don’t think you should be operating a motor vehicle, then allow me to register my astonishment that you are strapping 2 waxed planks of wood to your old old feet and racing down a snow and ice covered mountain. I think  that that is totally fucking batshit, bros.

There’s this one old bro who, in addition to being righteously friendly, an excellent tipper, and an all around solid bro, is also almost completely deaf (which doesn’t stop him from make almost completely pointless small talk, asking non-yes-or-no questions resulting in answers that need a great deal of repeating even after which I don’t think he’s quite gotten it) and has hands that shake so badly the top bun once fell off of a hamburger he was carrying. I don’t profess to be the adjudicator of skiing seniors, and I fully recognize that I am in no position to tell anybody what they can and can’t do, but for fuck’s sake! If you can’t carry a sandwich, please don’t attempt such astronomically more wreckless activities! That’s totally bananas!!!

Also a lot of old skiers are not season pass holders, but have been skiing at this moutain for, like, one hundred years, so understandably enough they feel that they deserve the 10% food and beverage discount offered to season pass holders. I don’t think this is allowed. Also I hate arguing with people whom I sort of think are right. Also, I don’t really ever like charging people $3.21 for hot chocolate. So overall, this general feeling of entitlement is problematic and makes me feel like a total turd. Conversely, 10% is such a negligable discount and buying cocoa is such a low stakes activity anyway that I don’t really feel too fucking terrible. Conclusion: this paragraph is boring and pointless.

On our nametags, it says where we’re from, which is a great feature of these nametags, I think. Most people who work at Saddleback Maine are not from California, so I get a lot of comments, which is relatively sweet, some times. Some times, I get sick of hearing ‘Well you’re an awful long way from home’ because it makes me really super sad. With old folks though, it is a whole new chapter of that lame story. That horse is at a totally different end of the spectrum of horse hues. Old folks have mostly lead pretty full lives, which understandably they are interested in recapping for baristas. Many old people have visited San Francisco, and of those, many like to tell me about how different they assume it is now from how it was during World War II when they worked at Charleston Navy Yard. I can only take their word for it, because I haven’t ever been to World War II. And while I fucking adore oral tradition and also hearing historical accounts of San Francisco, it becomes a total antiboner when this is dropped on me when there are like twenty dozen children waving their cocoa and skittles money at me. Side note about little kids: they all think that Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are called Reese’s Pieces. Some times I forget this ignorance and tell them we don’t have any, and then they point at the PBCs and are all like "YESYOUDO" and I’m like "OHTHOSE!!!" and try to play it off like it’s my mistake and they didn’t totally just fuck up their candy nomenclature. For some reason I don’t ever feel like correcting them. I think that it would make me look like a dick and they wouldn’t learn anyway, because they’d be too busy being alienated by me.

One thing about the old folks that I haven’t mentioned is that I am super the hell impressed. It’s like if a really little kid could drive a car. My first thought is "holy shit, that is retarded unsafe" and my second thought is "good one, guy." So I guess this is all totally okay.


2 Responses to “Ski Lodges = Old Folks Homes?”

  1. Walt Cook Says:


    You are on the mark, as usual. Very funny! Can you direct me to other pf your blogs?
    You rock, Kayla.

    Uncle Walt


  2. Clome Says:

    You really should correct those kids. They totally deserve to be alienated based on the reese’s confusion.

    I always got that shit straight as a kid and I always asked for cups.

    Peanut Butter Cups.


    I don’t even think that’s cute anything.

    And now I’m pissed off.


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